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Keeping everyone happy

I remember reading long time ago that men get jealous when women have babies. I was much younger at the time of that reading and thought it was just gibberish. However, the older my daughter gets I realize there may have actually been some truth to that article.

My husband, KoKo, and I were lying in bed a few nights ago and as KoKo was drifting off to sleep my husband says I miss when you use to scratch my back. It made me realize that I hadn’t shown my husband much affection lately and maybe he really does miss it. Do men really crave affection and tender moments like women? When I think of my husband I never think about the fact that he may need to hear a compliment every now and again or he just needs some alone time with me so that I can cater to his needs. I have been so focused on trying to be the perfect mother that I really have lapsed in trying to be the perfect wife.

How do I keep everyone happy, including myself? I would like some alone time to just listen to some jazz while drinking a glass of sweet red wine or read a romance novel (my guilty pleasure).

When you become a mom your whole life changes it’s true but it becomes more of a balancing act; one of which I haven’t figured out how to master just yet.

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I feel like Mr. Belvedere

mr. belvedereMy husband says to me out of nowhere (well he has been hinting at  his feelings for weeks but I chose to ignore them) that he feels like Mr. Belvedere because he does all the cooking and cleaning. My first thoughts are those of anger and disbelief. We have been married for five years and I have always done the cooking, the grocery shopping, paid the bills, organized our mail, and kept the house clean. But every since KoKo has been born all I seem to have time to do is take care of her, sleep, and go to work. When it is just me and her at the house on my days off sometimes I forget to cook myself something to eat because all I want to do is sleep when she sleeps. But my husband seems to think I should be able to do all the things I use to do and still take care of KoKo. Let’s face it, women carry the bulk of the responsibility of raising children. Men are more hands off and really only do anything when asked and then they take their sweet time getting to it. So women have a lot on their plates at any given time.

For example, when I go to work, I take KoKo to my parents house because I am an only child and they have been waiting so long for a grandchild that they love spending time with her. Since their house is only five minutes from my job it is a win win for me and eliminates daycare expenses. Some of these work days my husband has the house to himself, a luxury I haven’t had since KoKo was born, so in my head I think he is going to take the time to clean up around the house. If it were me I would be glad for the chance to organize the house and clean the house so that my husband wouldn’t have to do it when he came home. But my husband doesn’t feel that way at all and so doesn’t clean the house. So when I get home I have to clean what I can because I only have about a good hour when I come home ( I have an hour commute so we don’t get home until 8 or 9 at night) before KoKo is ready to go to bed. I breastfeed her before she goes to sleep and usually end up falling asleep myself that means I only have about an hour to eat, shower, make my lunch for the next day, iron my clothes and get in the bed. Now I thought my husband would see this and say to himself I should help my wife more, maybe I could make her lunch for her or iron her clothes or just keep the house clean so she doesn’t have to worry about that. No way! Instead he bytches and moans and groans to me about how much cleaning he is having to do. Just writing about it is making me angry all over again. He even had the nerve to say to me well when I have KoKo alone I manage to cook and clean.  I will give him that he cooks but cleans, nope. Clothes still be in the laundry baskets waiting to be folded, carpet still needs to be vacuumed, dishes in the sink need to be washed etc. So he isn’t doing nearly as much as he think he is doing in his head.

So what advice would you give me seasoned moms on being superwoman or dealing with a husband who thinks he does too much because he cooks and cleans? At this point I am at my wits ends and don’t know what to do. Any advice will be considered.

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Mommy…Look at my pretty earrings

A few weeks ago KoKo got her ears pierced and true to form she screamed and hollered when that ear gun stuck her ear. While she was crying so was I. I kept asking myself did I make the right decision getting her ears pierced so early? She isn’t quite four months yet. When she got her ears pierced she was only 14 weeks.

Kourtney ear piercing (2)

Her dad took the picture you see here after her ear rings were in and I was comforting her. My husband and I gave her kiss after kiss and I told her I love her non stop until she stopped crying. Then I just cradled her in my arms and we left the doctor’s office.

Afterwards we decided to go out to eat and KoKo slept the entire way. Once we got to the restaurant KoKo woke up, ate, and she was all smiles again. She was ready to play and I knew at that moment that she had forgotten the pain of getting her ears pierced and forgave mommie for making her endure it.

Salute to my KoKo for handling life’s boo-boos with such grace.

Love Always and Forever,

Your MoM

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My Birth Plan

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew automatically that I wanted to have a natural birth. But my plan and what actually happened were two completely different things. You see I have fibroids and have had them since I was 18. I am now 36. When I was about 25 I allowed my GYN at the time to convince me to have a myomectomy. I had seven fibroids removed. The biggest one was the size of a grapefruit. It took me about 6 weeks to recover and go back to work. I have a scar on my bikini line but nothing else to indicate that I had this procedure done. In a little over a year my fibroids came back. Not only did they come back but they came back with a vengeance; small little fibroids all over my uterus. At that point I really and truly gave up any hope of having children. I knew I may want one but I thought it highly unlikely so I married a man who already had children just on the off chance that I couldn’t have any.

Well apparently God had other plans because seven years after me and my husband first met I got pregnant with KoKo. I was ecstatic and fearful. But I knew I wanted a natural birth and thought that I could have one because I knew women who had a Cesarean with their first birth only to have vaginal or v-bac birth with their subsequent children. I held on to this hope until my OB told me that my fibroids were numerous and because of my prior surgery my best and safest course of action would be to have a C-Section. She explained that if I carried my daughter to full term (40 weeks) that I was putting myself at risk for a uterine rupture which could possibly kill the baby and me. What she didn’t also say is that this is a risk for every pregnant woman. However, I conceded to my doctor’s advice because I thought she knew better than me. Once I accepted that I couldn’t have a natural or water birth I was immediately disappointed and became depressed that I wouldn’t experience the beauty and wonder of labor. Even my husband expressed some disappointment. But the support of my friends and family helped me overcome my disappointment and accept my fate with grace. Everyone said it doesn’t matter how she gets here as long as she gets here and she is healthy. Weeks after I had my C-Section and I was telling a friend about my disappointment she asked me why didn’t I just go to another doctor? And I wonder why didn’t I?

If you are told that you have to get a C-Section but that isn’t what you really want then get a second opinion. It’s your body and your baby and ultimately you make the decision that is best for both.